To wisdom I fear,
To reasoning I do not hear.
Oh this flesh of mine,
Why destroy The Lord's shrine?

Extinguish

  But, somehow, that fire slowly died. It burned away, the wood turned to ash. I started to walk backwards, and started to blame the innocent God for all my troubles. 

But how? 

  I don't know at all. It sneaked off my heart like a small ant. I didn't notice it, nor did I care. My pursuits became empty, I was completely hollow inside. Again. Slowly, I transformed to a slightly better version of myself. 

  I know for a fact, that The Lord's influence never leaves a man, but The Lord himself will, eventually. He doesn't push you at all, and doesn't punish you. But when you return to his hands, he will gladly accept you. 

One night, while I was playing my butt off, I had these few words in my heart: 

You said you wanted to change the world. 

I stopped. I stared at the screen.  The world just paused for a while. Then there's a second voice. 

But changing the world isn't possible! Your only a child! 

The words of God and the devil was certainly different. One was hard, but gentle. The other was demanding and tempting. I knew what to do. 

I stopped, and prayed. I didn't like it, but I did, anyways. Why? I don't know. I just did. 

And so spawned these three stories. I hope you don't have to learn it the way I did. 

Ignition

I was a very horrible child. Innocent on the outside, yet pure burning evil inside. My heart was filled with arrogance and envy; my very soul desired evil. Yes, I experience many bad days. I shrugged off my sins, and hope what the evil hopes:

The wicked man is so arrogant he always thinks, "God won't hold me accountable; he doesn't care." -Psalms 10:4

But it started to change when I began to enroll in a youth study. To be frank, I wasn't too excited when I first heard I was going to attend it, and I still feel words that say, "Wouldn't laying in bed be a much relaxing thing to do? Wouldn't you want to entertain yourself more? You're already so tired, come!"

I am glad I joined.

I remember my first days there, ah the sounds of the instruments and the loud voice of the praises, accompanied by the graceful dancers in blue.

It touched my heart. It felt as if God wanted me. I felt different.

I changed ever since. I tried my very best to do everything I was thought, and I was thought more. Little by little I grew fond of praising God, it gave me a pleasant, warm feeling of His mighty presence.  I imagined the Angels of God swooping down and playing their own instruments, and singing along with us listeners, as if we were a joyous choir in perfect harmony.

A lesson I value was the understanding of this 'fire'. It was so cool, and so revealing. I had to feed it, I have to warm it. I have to train my spirit to embrace this, and to keep it safe.

That's only the first part.

I began to have a daily plan for reading the bible. I stumbled across this very verse:

15 The prophet's attendant got up early in the morning. When he went outside there was an army surrounding the city, along with horses and chariots. He said to Elisha, "Oh no, my master! What will we do?"

16 He replied, "Don't be afraid, for our side outnumbers them."

17 Then Elisha prayed, "O Lord , open his eyes so he can see." The Lord opened the servant's eyes and he saw that the hill was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha. - 2 kings 6:15-17 "Wow!" I thought. Fire chariots and horses? You can call them? You have the access to a whole army, to fight your enemies? You have a God that listens and responds! This understanding got even deeper when I attended a church. The topic was the Fire Jesus sent to the world. It was not a fire that devours, but the fire of the Holy Spirit. An army of fire from the Holy Spirit, that does not destroy but forgives and teaches? Horses that do not trample but comfort? I Fire chariots that doesn't destroy enemies, but heals them from their evil ways and opens them to a whole new world filled with light and joy. Wow.

The Start

  After reflecting and getting motivation, I have decided to write something down. "Something Sam. Something. You said you wanted your fire to keep burning", The Lord whispered in my heart. It hit me quite hard, hearing those words.

  Fire? What fire?

  No, it is not the fire you see above a candle, nor the destructive element of nature that devours, and emits large amounts of heat. Not that. Those are far less superior than the fire The Lord asked me to keep burning.
  It is the fire of your heart. The passion and love to The Lord God our Maker. The very 'thing' that keeps you going "wow!" every time you go out and meet Him. The fuel of our praises. The heat that warms our cold heart. That fire.

And I have lost it.

I promised to keep it burning, to feed it wood that will be everlasting. To care and nourish that fire so that it will never extinguish.

And I failed.

The wood has turned to ash, and only very little was left of it. But even very little was enough, and The Lord reminded me to keep it burning.

How did I know of the fire? I'll continue, tomorrow.

"Shibboleth"

An interesting word, isn't it? Here is its definition of the word:

Shibboleth

a peculiarity of pronunciation, behavior, mode of dress, etc., that distinguishes a particular class or set of persons. 

It's a great word. The difference of quality that seperates a group from another, we see this daily in our lives.
  The origins of this word is from the Hebrew word of the same spelling, found in judges 12:4-6. It is the word the Gileadites (under the command of Jepththah) used to differentiate the Ephraimites, and prevent them from crossing the Jordan river. It acted as a password, since the Ephraimites could not pronounce it. That day 42000 Ephraimites died. Put to contrast, the 9/11 incident totaled to a death toll of 3,000 souls. 

  

  Though tragic and gruesome it had a different meaning for me. What is our "shibboleth"? What differentiates us from the rest of the world? The factor in every single one of us that truly makes every being unique? 

  To start, the difference between us and animals is their lack of soul. They have flesh and thought, but they do not have soul, or conscious, as others would say. The properties of having moral thoughts, the thoughts of humanity, and of course the deep thoughts we humans are capable of achieving. 

  Progressing forward, what differentiates the different cultures of human kind? Different qualities of each race, such as skin color and hair color? The differnt fashion styles and food? The shape of the land and the different beliefs and traditions? Yes. Every single difference counts toward our uniqueness.

  Then there is Catholicism. Argueably the biggest religion thus far, with over a billion followers. What differenciates us from the rest? Nothing, except for the mustard seed of faith each Christian and Catholic holds in our hearts. The strong fire of passion for The Lord.

  Finally there's you. A man of his own unique quality. Many think power and popularity is what differentiates human kind, whether for good or for bad. Yet we forget, the spirit that lies within us, that burns at a different temperature from everyone else. The soul that defines who we are, the different emotions that each of us hold dear. 

 
  What is the conclusion to all this? The "shibboleth" of every single of us, the different password that defines who you are. You are special, we all are. 

Hello back!

Yes. I have not posted in this blog for quite a long time. Things change, and so do I. As time progresses, so do I. Below was when I was a mere child, rewriting back what I was thought. Now that I am beyond that stage, and that now I have the ability to think more deeply, I hope I can create content that is both original, new, and suprising.

Following advice I decided to come back to this blog, reskin it and hopefully write more then what I did when I was younger.

 Many of my posts will be of religious terms.